When Luke and I decided we were ready to start our family we didn’t think it would go quite as it did. I mean, how hard can it be? Just have some sexy time and boom! You’re pregnant! Turns out that isn’t true at all. In fact that’s far from the truth for a lot of couples.
After a couple of months you might be thinking, “What the hell?! Nobody told me about this!” or “Why won’t my ovaries work?!” or my favorite thing to say the entire time we tried “I AM BROKEN, WE WILL HAVE TO RESCUE ANIMALS AND FORGET ABOUT CHILDREN!” Meanwhile, everyone and their mother is telling you to take your time and that it will happen when it’s meant to be. Well you know what Billy Joe’s mom? Shove that advice right back in your mouth because I don’t want to hear it.
So here are 5 things I wish someone had told me when I began trying to get pregnant.
- Everyone but you will get pregnant.
And boy am I not kidding… Everyone else will be announcing their pregnancies, and it will be people who weren’t even trying! THE MADNESS. They will tell you things like, “I forgot to take my birth control. – The condom broke. – We got drunk and it just happened. – A magical fairy flew in through our bedroom window and sang us ‘the baby song’.” Meanwhile you will be very upset and might even leave your own window open just in case that damn fairy flies by your house.
Just remember, your time WILL come and YOU will get to annoy someone when you finally get to tell them you are pregnant. It’s a never ending cycle, but a good one at that.
- Sexy time will not always be sexy.
But that’s ok! You can’t expect to keep sexy time sexy if your doing it every day. Just like anything else (maybe except for drinking wine) it will get boring. Some days it will be fun and exciting, you’ll whirl into the bedroom and do something amazing… as if your husband has never seen you naked before and DAMN when did you get so hot baby?! Other days you will look at each other and both think the same exact thing, quickie?
Try relaxing and just having fun, watch a movie and get to cuddling before going at it. Try something new, maybe you aren’t adventurous but lube sounds like fun. Try having a romantic night every once in a while… Maybe even try getting a little tipsy of that wine I was talking about earlier. But it is normal to feel like it is a chore sometimes, we all get to that point.
- You might lose friendships, permanent and temporary.
Big changes in your life might cause strains in relationships. Going to college, moving, beginning a new job, getting married, and of course, having children are big changes. Sometimes the people that surround you might not like it and they will distance themselves from you, or you will feel the need to distance yourself from them.
While trying to get pregnant I pushed myself away from anyone who was pregnant themselves, or had a baby. Seeing them happy and with a child confused me greatly. Why did they get to have what I wanted? Why was it becoming so difficult for me to do something that my body was meant to do? Some friends understood, and let me back into their hearts once I was ready. Other friends took it really personally and weren’t able to allow me back into their lives. But that’s alright. I needed to do what was better for myself, and you should too.
Other friends ended up distancing themselves from me. Reasons I may never find out… maybe they didn’t like the idea of not being able to party with me, it could be that I talked too much about trying to conceive and pregnancy, or they didn’t have the patience to listen to me whine about this exhausting process… maybe they just felt jealous or confused about my next big step (mind you I am only 20 and starting a family at this age is a hard pill to swallow for many people).
People come and go, and now at my 36 week mark I have noticed that the people who I have in my life are the people I currently need in my life.
- You will be psychotic.
You might become a crazy person. IT’S NORMAL. You will cry when you get your period, or maybe punch a wall ( I did and if you are a tiny weakling like me, DON’T DO IT, it will hurt you much more than it will hurt your wall). You will buy “magic” lube and herbal pills that PROMISE you get pregnant. You will take a pregnancy test and it will be negative, so you will eat half a gallon of rocky road ice cream. Then you will run back to your bathroom, dig out that test and double check… just in case you misread it the first time. You will drink a glass of wine at 9:30 in the morning because you were so sure you were pregnant, but you woke up to beautiful mother nature laughing at you and your stained underwear.
Drink that wine, cry your eyes out, buy ridiculously overpriced lube… I won’t judge you! Heck, I did it! Do whatever makes you feel better, even if it means drinking wine out of the bottle and cuddling with your dog in bed all day. Some days are meant for just that. Bring your husband into the mix while your at it… cuddle up, watch a silly movie, have sexy time and then take a nap.
- Your relationship with your husband will never be the same.
Mostly in a good way. You will learn to laugh during sexy time, you will learn to support each other how you never have before, you will want to kill each other at times, you will love each other like crazy.
While trying to conceive you will try everything you can… including that really strange sex position you read about on Pinterest promising you to get pregnant right away. Then while trying this position it will be so silly that you and your husband will give up on it at some point and laugh like crazy. I mean who can put their leg over THERE like THAT, this can’t be good on my hips, I think I’m getting a cramp in my left butt cheek. You’ll be forced to support each other in a way you never have before. Someone will feel guilty over not being able to conceive, you’ll feel completely let down by a negative test, or you won’t hear what you wanted to hear from your doctor. You will learn how to embrace each other and say, “It’s alright, we’ll get through this”. You will want to bite each others heads off, and then you’ll want to make out like a pair of 16 year olds.
Your relationship will change, but mostly in a good way.
Starting a family is hard work. Mentally, physically, emotionally. But it is worth it in the end. However, it would probably be easier if someone just gave it to you how it is instead of placing it on a silver platter! I hope these 5 points help keep it a little more realistic for you, I know they would of for me when I was trying.